


Motherhood

by Graceful_Storyteller



Series: Stranger in the Nest [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Loki is insightful, Maria isn't perfect, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood, Tony wants to play in the snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 00:19:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/655962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graceful_Storyteller/pseuds/Graceful_Storyteller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Maria is silent. How can she tell her little boy she was crying because she regrets having him? How can she articulate how trapped she feels when she spends more than a few days alone with her children? How can she say that she is a bad mother, that her boys deserve better, that both Loki and Tony are wonderful and should be with parents who actually want to spend time with them? How can she possibly explain herself to a five year old?</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In which Maria contemplates how she is too young to be a good mother.</p>
<p>Set between <i>Rules of Magic</i> and <i>Brothers</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Motherhood

**Author's Note:**

> According to the SHIELD files in Avengers, Howard was born in 1917 and Tony in 1970. I can't find anything for Maria, so this is all speculation.

Maria has loved Howard since the moment she first met him at a gala hosted by her father. He’d been the guest of honour, already famous for his work on the Manhattan Project. Maria had been fascinated by him, and they had spent most of the gala flirting shamelessly in between talking science. Her father hadn’t approved, had thought that at 47 Howard was too old to date a 16 year old. Maria had responded that the heart wanted what the heart wanted, and continued to see Howard regardless of what her father thought. A year later she became pregnant with Loki, and Howard did the honourable thing of marrying her. Over time she would come to realise that, ultimately, Howard’s reputation rather than his love for her had motivated the proposal. That was not to say that Howard didn’t love her, or the two sons he would grace her with, but it was clear to everyone that science was Howard’s true love. That had hurt, in a way, but Maria hadn’t been surprised by the realisation. Part of Howard’s attraction had always been his dedication to his work and she could hardly begrudge him finding it hard to adjust his priorities. She too found it hard to give up her old life: galas, lunch with friends, business ventures, journeys to exotic places. Part of her felt guilty for the amount of time she spent away from home, but a much larger part found raising children so very _dull_. Maria had been raised by her nannies whilst her mother was out doing charity work and what she could to aid with the war effort. Like her mother, she found it difficult to spend more than a few hours with her children; she much preferred to be organising Stark Industries fundraisers or charity balls. She wanted to be out in the world instead of stuck at home changing diapers and dressing boo-boos. She wanted to live whilst she was still young enough to feel alive. She wanted to be free again – to not be tied down by her family. Such desires she kept entirely to herself lest her friends shame her for being a bad mother. If society did not know her thoughts and feelings they could not shun her for them, and she could continue to make believe that she was a good mother and not a foolish girl who had become pregnant too young.

 

“Mother, are you crying?” Loki asks as he pushes open the door.

 

Maria quickly wipes the tears from her eyes and forces a smile. “No Sweetheart, of course not.” Loki continues to hover in the entrance to her bedroom, clearly still disturbed by the sight of her wet cheeks and red eyes. Maria opens her arms and says, “Come here Loki.”

 

Slowly, Loki walks over to her and clambers onto her lap. She embraces the five year old and soothingly strokes his hair as he rests his head against her breast. Maria’s smile is no longer forced as she gazes fondly down at her eldest son, who is completely at ease in her arms.  

 

After a long moment of silence Loki asks, “Did father make you cry?”

 

“Why would you ask that Loki?” Maria asks, surprised.

 

“He made Tony cry when he stood on his action figure and shouted at him for leaving his toys out.”

 

Maria sighs. “No Loki, your father isn’t the reason why I was crying.”

 

“Then why?”

 

Maria is silent. How can she tell her little boy she was crying because she regrets having him? How can she articulate how trapped she feels when she spends more than a few days alone with her children? How can she say that she is a bad mother, that her boys deserve better, that both Loki and Tony are wonderful and should be with parents who actually want to spend time with them? How can she possibly explain herself to a five year old?

 

Apparently she doesn’t need to. Loki, who Maria has already come to accept is wise beyond his years, simply has to stare up at her tortured face to sense the nature of her depression. He reaches for her cheek with one tiny hand and says, “I love you Mother. Tony loves you. You’re not a bad mother. At least you try to spend time with us, and take an interest in what we do, and don’t shout at us. That’s all we’re asking for.”

 

As much as she doesn’t want to cry in front of her child, Maria can’t prevent the tears from falling. She kisses Loki’s elfin fingers and whispers, “Thank you.”

 

Loki smiles softly, and for a long moment mother and son remain embraced in silence. “Tony wants you to build snowmen with us,” Loki says eventually. “I can tell him you’re busy if you need to be alone.”

 

“No,” Maria says, determinedly wiping away her tears. “Tell your brother that I’ll be along soon. The two of you and Jarvis should start without me.”

 

Loki smiles reassuringly before slipping off Maria’s lap. He runs to the door, but before he disappears he looks back and says, “I love you,” one last time.

 

When he is gone Maria smiles. She goes to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face and to try to compose herself. Loki is right. At least she is trying to be a good mother. She could have given up on her sons years ago, could have left them to the nannies so that she could do as she pleased. Yet she didn’t. She stayed, and she tried, and she will keep on trying. She will give those brilliant boys all the love that she can and stop worrying if it is enough. She needs to stop feeling guilty: she’s allowed to be selfish, to run away every once in awhile – it’s only if she never comes back that she will be a bad mother. As long as she is able to let her boys know they are loved she will never be a bad mother.

 

Feeling lighter than she has in a long time, Maria exits her bedroom and heads downstairs to play with her sons.    


End file.
